Facets of frost
by DarkSideOfLife
Summary: Oneshots/Drabbels focused on Jack Frost's traits. "Instead of laughing and playing along with the kids like he usually did, he watched them silently, wishing he could join in and be noticed, wishing he would not end up being walked through."
1. Craving

**Craving (Sehnsucht)**

Children's laughter could be heard from a frozen pond near the little town Burgress.

Clouds filled the sky preventing sunshine and warmth from getting through.

Despite the chilling temperature and the grey, dreary winter sky the joy in the air could almost be tasted, every child felt so content that day. Every kid except one.

A few feet above the ground on a branch perched none other than the Winter Spirit Jack Frost himself. But instead of laughing and playing along with the kids like he normally would, he watched them in silence, a longing look in his eyes, wishing he could join in and be noticed, wishing he would not end up being walked through from the children, wishing he could pretend that it didn't bother him every time it happened like he could all the time before.

But it did bother him. And it hurt, so _so_ much to not be seen, to not be acknowledged, but there was nothing he could do about it. He had tried _everything_. But no matter what he did not one child had believed in him in all the two hundred years he had existed until now.

He couldn't even ask someone else for help; The moon wasn't talking to him; it never did again after it had told him his name. Just his name, no explanation, no guidance, nothing. He didn't even matter to the one that had created him! How pathetic was that?

And pretty much every other immortal he had met, had ignored him. The ones that had at least not ignored him weren't nice to him. He was lucky when one even answered him in a friendly tone. Most of them had found him annoying, boring or plain too young. Too young…ha! He was over two hundred years old for god's sake! That was _not_ young to him!

Since it had never helped him any Jack had started to avoid other spirits altogether. They were all the same, after all. Every single one of them had hurt him and he was tired of getting hurt and he was tired of constantly being alone, isolated, ignored. What could he have done that was so terrible for him to deserve all this? Whatever he did he couldn't remember it. And no one was telling him why either.

Jack was really fucking tired of it all. The only thing he wanted was some company, someone to play with, to talk to, to laugh with like everyone else. That couldn't be too hard right?

But apparently that was too much to ask for.


	2. Innocence

**Innocence (Unschuld)**

"What do you mean, you never had a relationship?!", Bunnymund asked disbelievingly, his left ear twitching slightly in agitation.

Jack just shot him an amused look and shrugged, not wanting to repeat himself unnecessarily.  
Little did he realize that Aster wanted, _needed _an explanation how the Guardian of _Fun_ had no experience whatsoever with relationships. That was just ridiculous! …Right?

"How can you not...I mean, come on! You're mischievous, rebellious and a _teenager _for Christ's sake!", Aster burst out, finally at his witt's end.

The only thing he earned was a confused look from said boy.

The Guardian of Hope took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts and after a few moments asked Jack with a serious expression how old he was when he became a guardian. The answer he got shocked him just further. Jack didn't look that young…he had thought he was about sixteen, maybe even eighteen.

"Well, I died when I was 14 years old. Why do you ask Cottontail?"

Aster searched Jack's face for any indication that the smaller guardian was messing with him, but Jack looked for a change completely earnest. The only thing Aster saw was some curiosity and childlike innocence. In that moment he really looked like the child he was.

Without further ado the Easter Bunny swept the immortal boy in a tight embrace, shocking the living daylights out of Jack. He wasn't used to hugs…especially hugs from Bunnymund.

After a few silent moments of squirming in the pookas arms Jack asked him timidly why the other was embracing him. In answer to his question he was let go, got his hair ruffled and before Jack could do anything, he was left alone, with a single flower that had blossomed in the place Aster had disappeared from,

"Huh...Wonder what's up with him." Jack shrugged to himself and left not thinking about the incident further..


	3. Immortality

**Immortality (Unsterblichkeit)**

Jack stood frozen on the sidewalk looking at a young adult with chocolate-brown hair, a distrought expression on his paler than usual face. "J-Jamie?", he stuttered astounded, barely loud enough for Jamie to hear his childhood-hero above the wind, which blew stronger than normal, responding to Jack's disturbed feelings.

Jamie whirled around showing his suprised, but gleeful expression to the Guardian. Running immediately towards the spirit, he didn't notice the other's shock caused by his changed appearance.

Before Jack could reorganize his thoughts he was swept into a crushing hug, his head pressed against Jamie's shoulder. After standing tense and unresponsive for a few seconds, he gathered his bearings and returned the embrace just as heartfelt. "Good to see you, too kid.", Jack chuckled a bit weakly, his voice muffled slightly. He couldn't stop thinking about all the years he had missed in which one of his first believers changed and grew up so much, while he was busy adjusting to being a Guardian and everything that came with that title.

But whereas the past years had passed in a blur for him, Jamie grew steadily older, got new experiences, made new friends, losing his belief in the Guardians more and more, not to mention that he got closer towards his own death with every passing day.

Jack was so engrossed in his own thoughts, he didn't notice Jamie shifting away to peer at the physically smaller boy and after a few moments frowning in concern when he noticed the troubled look on Jack's face.

Nor did he notice when a cool tear slid down his pale cheek, soon followed by more, which caused Jamie into action, enveloping his distresed friend, making soothing noices and rubbing comforting circles against the sweeter on Jack's back.

When he could finally pull himself out of his thoughts, he began to full out sob while clinging to Jamie. They stood like that for about 20 minutes longer, ignoring everything around them, enjoying their closeness.

It took quite long until Jamie could calm his immortal friend down, only to get him to cry again, after he asked and found out the reason why he was crying in the first place.

It seemed that immortality had it's bad sides, too.


	4. In the aftermath

**In the aftermath **

He couldn't even recall how they came upon the subject, but as they did everyone looked uncomfortable instantly.

Tooth, who had sat calmly for once while they talked, began buzzing around in a flurry, wringing her small hands and she stubbornly avoided looking at their youngest member.

Curiously Sandy noticed that she was also not looking in his direction. At all.

Bunnymund hunched in on himself, in the process making himself look smaller and less intimidating than normal. He quickly pulled out an egg, his entire focus on painting it. His ears were pressed flat against his head, too.

Sandman could not remember ever seeing his friend looking so guilty before. He also noticed how silent it had gotten in the cozy room in which each guardian resided in, like they did monthly to check up on each other and to spend precious bonding time together.

The usually jolly and loud Russian sat silently in his large red armchair idly nibbling on a cookie, his gaze fixed on the fire burning a few feet away from them all.

The largest distance was between the fire and Jack, since the warmth made him uncomfortable and easily sweaty. Speaking of the winter spirit...

As if Sandy was not thrown enough from the behaviour of the others, Jack's reaction made him the most concerned, so he promptly walked over to the boy, staying on the ground with intent so as not to startle him. When he stood before his destination a questionmark formed above his head, which prompted the immortal child to look up. When their eyes connected Sandy was startled to see an emotion no child should ever feel.

Selfhate. Jack was blaming himself for whatever made the other guardians look as guilty as they did.

He couldn't for the life of him imagine what their newest member could have done to be the cause for everyone's reaction. Since he apparently wouldn't get an answer from anyone else, he waited patiently until Jack answered his question.

Sandman did not like what he heard. Which appeared to not have escaped the others notice.

Toothonia and Nicholas earned themself a stern and dissapointed look from their old friend. Bunnymund received the worst consequence, he didn't escape with just a mild scolding, oh no.

That was due to the fact that Jack had asked the Pooka a question that broke everyone's heart before Sandy could do anything to Aster.

With his head tilted a curious and puzzled look on his pale face he inquired why he did not get hurt for his actions after they discovered Jack had betrayed them despite the fact that the Easter Bunny had obviously wanted to do just that.

To say E. Aster Bunnymund received a good scolding from the usually calm Sanderson ManSnoozie that day would be a huge underestimation.

It took all of them almost a year to convince Jack he had no control over what happened with Pitch and Easter.

It took them even longer to get him to stop hating himself for what happened..


	5. Naughty

Thank you all for the reviews,follows and favorites!  
If you know what and how I should change in my writing style to improve, please tell me. :)

* * *

Just a few days were left until Christmas night arrived. Despite the fact that making sure that as much people as possible got a white Christmas took a long time and hard work Jack still managed to show up at North' place in time.

Tooth had for once left the Tooth Palace to enjoy the company of her fellow Guardians and left her Mini-fairies in charge.

Although there were children in need of dreams almost all the time Sandy had called it a night earlier than he usually did and had flown to the North Pole.

Because he was able to get to any place he wanted faster than anyone thanks to his tunnels Bunnymund had shown up as well even though Easter was barely a couple of month away.

Thus the Guardians of Memories, Dreams, Hope and Fun had gathered all in one place to prepare for Christmas in order to be able to properly celebrate their first Christmas together as a family. Meanwhile the Guardian of Wonder did his best to find some free minutes to meet his guests.

Since Jack had become the newest Guardian they had steadily grown closer together. Unlike before they visited each other regularly to check up on one another. Everyone enjoyed their new routine, glad that they weren't as alone as previously. Of course they all had learned to adjust to their solitary lives but now that they once again knew how nice it was to have company no one wanted to give it up again anytime soon.

When North finally managed to arrive the first thing he did was laugh out loud in joy at the sight that greeted him.

His companions were all gathered around a large Christmas tree that stood about six to seven feet high, reaching Bunny's height when his ears stood upright.

Sandy stood atop the tree acting as the star that usually was sat in his place. His dreamsand was wrapped around the tree like tinsel and illuminated the globe room enough so everyone could make out each other comfortably.

Tooth and three of her Mini-Fairies flittered around with wondrous expressions on their faces. Moreover Tooth was wearing a lovely turquoise dress that ended mid-thigh and was trimmed with white fur at its bottom and cuffs.

On the ground crouched Bunny, in his right hand holding several Easter eggs which he hung up on the branches in front of him with care.

Next to him stood Jack in a relaxed manner and a big grin on his face. A red Christmas hat sat on top of his white tuft of hair. His staff leant against one shoulder while Christmas tree ornaments were made out of conjured ice in the palm of one of his hands to be hung up as soon as they were finished.

"You began without me?" North asked them incredulous, walking over to them. "How can you start Christmas tradition without Santa Claus? Is outrageous!"

Tooth tittered before she went back to admire everything. Sandy paid him no mind, besides sending him a quick wave. Jack laughed after he had shrugged and shot back: "Santa was late so we unfortunately had to start without him to get finished before the day ended."

With an approving grin Bunny clapped Jacks shoulder laughing along with the boy.

Said boy narrowed his eyes, grinning wider than before and swung the crook of his staff in a lazy motion over Bunny's still outstretched hand that had been left hanging in the air. Bunny hadn't moved it out of confusion since the shoulder it had originally lain upon had been unexpectedly moved out of its grip.

His eyes widened when he realized that it was too late to stop whatever Jack was doing. In the end his hand ended up frozen solid, a thick sheen of ice wrapped around his limb from the tips of his paw down to his wrist.

He shouldn't be surprised Frostbite pulled something like that on him.

He really should have known better than to assume that the boy would stay nice for even a few hours around them.


	6. Exhaustion

This is Au. And pretty dark...hurm. Hope you still enjoy.  
Oh, and I tried a new tense. Good or bad?

* * *

Most of the times children don't believe in him no matter what he does Jack feels angry. He feels angry, disappointed, frustrated and jealous of other spirits that are believed in. Spirits that aren't told they're just expressions, "No of course there's no Jack Frost silly.", adults would say to their kids even though he's standing right there next to them.

No one can blame him for getting angry. Everyone would feel that way when they're walked through for over two hundred years. Two hundred years of not being believed in, of not being able to talk to anyone, of feeling alone no matter how many people were around him.

So, yeah he gets angry a lot. But sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he can't feel angry. All he can feel is tired, tired of fighting, tired of being alone, of being angry so much. It doesn't make a difference how he feels, no one notices, no one cares about it. And no one cares about him on the days he breaks down because it doesn't make a difference to anyone. It does make a difference to him but no one cares about that either.

Some days every few years Jack is fucking tired of it all. No matter what he does it doesn't change anything. People can't see him and the Moon isn't talking to him. It's just watching in silence. There's always silence. He hates that. He does his best to avoid silence, tries to be around people all the time. But of course that's impossible, there has to be times it's silent around him.

Usually he can bear the silence, not for long but he manages long enough. When he can't bear it, it makes everything that's bad even worse. The thoughts in his head are always louder and harder to ignore when there's silence around him, when there's nothing to distract him.

The first few times it happened Jack had sobbed, cried, wailed and screamed until his throat was sore and he was too exhausted to keep it up, often falling into an exhausted slumber.

But what's the point of screaming if no one can hear you? And what's the point if the ones that can hear you don't give a damn? Exactly, there isn't one. It's useless, it doesn't help anything. So he stopped crying out his frustrations, his sadness, his loneliness no matter how unbearable they got.

Today there aren't even tears like there usually are when it all gets too much. There are no tears, instead there's just this deep, suffocating tiredness inside of him. He's tired of so much, too many things. It's ridiculous really.

He's not crying because he's tired of the tears that no one notices. He's tired of yelling when no one hears him. He's tired of feeling sad so much, sad because of people that don't even notice that they're hurting him.

He's tired of being alone because no one cares about him or believes that he exists. Humans just walk right through him like he was a fucking ghost, just an expression. Other spirits ignore him much like the humans all do. And on the rare occasion they actually interact with him it's to scold him, rant, scream or shout at him.

He's tired of being angry towards people that won't acknowledge him no matter what he does, people that are deaf to his shouts, to all of his anger.

He's tired of feeling stuck for too many years already. It was already too long ago where he still had hope, where he still believed that some time things had to change for the better. But nothing ever did.

He's tired of needing help from others that he won't ever get. It wouldn't surprise him if there wasn't even anyone who knew he needed help. Well, except for the Moon since he had talked to him once but the Moon never answered him so there was no chance he would actually help him.

He's tired of feeling empty inside. Feeling empty after days he had played with children just to get walked through in the end once again. It wasn't so bad in the beginning but every time it had happened again the emptiness inside of him grew stronger, more unbearable every time.

He's tired of dreaming of a life he will never have, a life where he isn't alone, where he's not hurting so much inside and where someone actually gives a shit about him. Dreaming of things he long since realized he won't ever get.

But most of all? Most of all he's just tired of being tired. He's just so done with everything. Maybe…maybe he can't handle it anymore. No, not maybe. He knows he can't. It's all too much. There's no point in going on. There's no point in trying, everything he does is wrong anyway.

And besides…no one will notice when he quit. And even if anyone should notice…they won't care because he probably deserves all of this.

* * *

Answer to review: "Next chapter: Jack hates himself so much he cuts himself. Could you maybe try some dialog?"  
Sorry, not so much dialog in this.. :/ Maybe I'll write some self-harm nex but I don't promise anything...


	7. Guilt

Again no dialog in this...sorry :/ Tell me what I could do better or what you would like to read next pretty please? :)

**Warning**: There's **self-harm** in this. If you don't like it or could be triggered please don't read it or at least read it with caution, yeah? It's also **AU** and probably **ooc**. And dark. **Really dark**...Hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Guilt**

They told him it wasn't his fault. Said that he was manipulated by Pitch, that he couldn't have done anything to change what had happened. He knew that they were wrong. They hadn't been there in Pitch' lair like him, hadn't seen him, what he had done. How he hadn't freed the little Baby Teeth when he could have. Instead he had been looking for his teeth, for his memories because he was selfish.

It hadn't been Pitch who had made him search through all these children teeth. He had had enough time to free them but he still had not. He had let everyone down just because he had wanted to know who he was, because he was a selfish brat that made a mess of everything.

No matter how many times the other Guardians insisted on setting the guilt on Pitch Jack knew it was really his fault. That he was the guilty one. He didn't deserve their company much less their trust. No one could trust him. He hurt everyone that cared about him, everyone that trusted him.

Jack didn't want to be such a burden to them. He desperately wanted to be someone else, someone better than himself. "I'm sorry," he would say to them every time but they just wouldn't listen! "It's okay Jack. We're not mad at you mate," Bunny would reassure him. "Pitch ruined Easter. You couldn't have done anything," Tooth would explain to him patiently as if he were the wrong one.

"You don't understand! It was my fault because I didn't…I didn't," Jack finally burst out when it became all too much. How could they be so blind? So naïve? "I could have freed them…and I didn't. I didn't…" Tears were prickling in his eyes, shame rolling in his gut. "I…I'm so sorry," he sobbed before quickly taking off, leaving his concerned friends behind.

Antarctica…why did he come here of all places? It didn't matter. He was alone and that was all he wanted. Jacks heart sank, his chest tightened and the tears finally spilled out over his cheeks. He fell to his knees, arms clutching his chest as sobs shuddered through his body.

Everything…Everything he did was wrong. Why couldn't he do something right for once? A desperate cry crawled out of his mouth, unheard. It seemed deafening to his own ears in the silence around him.

When he calmed down at last everything that was left in him was numbness. The last tears had frozen on his cheeks, his lips bitten bloody and deep imprints on his palms left from his fingernails that had dug into them.

Jack stared ahead seeing everything and nothing at the same time. Nothing mattered anymore, he didn't matter anymore. The pain that had been in his chest was gone; the guilt in his stomach had left. All he felt was numb…like he was dead. He shivered uncomfortably at the thought.

"Dead…," he whispered to himself. He knew how it felt since he had regained his memories. He hadn't thought about it before but now he couldn't let the thought go. Cold, dark, pain so much pain, he needed air, he was drowning, oh god, please no, no no no!

He gasped trying and failing to get the tightness in his chest to loosen. He had to breath, now, please! With a hard punch to his shoulder pain exploded in him, distracting him from his memories long enough to gasp in desperate breaths, taking deep lungfuls of air.

"Oh god oh please, I don't wanna die, no, oh god," he muttered unconsciously. "Think of something else, anything," and then it registered to him that the pain earlier had helped him. "Of course..:" He relaxed a bit and let out a strained laugh , tears sliding down his cheeks once again.

With a choked chuckle he fisted his hands into his hair pulling at it harshly every time his memories threatened to overwhelmed him

After a while even that wasn't enough and the guilt crept back. Soon enough the ache in his chest returned too. He cried out in frustration and helplessness scraping his fingernails painfully down his arms after he had ripped off his hoodie. His eyes were closed tightly, concentrating on the pain that flared up on his skin.

Until he noticed that he was bleeding his fingers were already bloody but he felt slightly better. With a soft sigh he curled up in the snow that covered everything around him and fell in an exhausted sleep.

The next time the guardians saw him Jack was his laughing fun-loving self again, not speaking about the Easter he had betrayed the Guardians again. The others seemed to feel relieved, thinking Jack had accepted it wasn't his fault. They never learned about the bloody scratches that covered his arms on a weekly basis.

* * *

Would love some feedback. :)


	8. Pretend (Companion piece of Guilt)

Here it finally is. The Guardians find out about Jack's self-harming. Sorry for the long wait.

This is from Jack's point of view because I wanted to express his thoughts the best I could. Hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

They weren't supposed to know. They weren't supposed to find out. Ever. It was my secret and mine alone. Why can't they leave it alone? They could leave me alone for three centuries so it's not as if they weren't used to it. So why couldn't they just leave it and shut up?

No one should have found out about it. About the war I fought against himself. About the shameful thing I did whenever the loneliness, the pain and the ache inside my chest got too much. It was not their problem, damn it!

"Sweety, please just show us your arm," I could hear the worry, the pity in her voice as clear as day. And I hated it, hated it more than ever. They did not get to pity me! They lost their chance to do that a long time ago! Instead of saying this out loud I pressed my lips tightly together, not giving her an answer.

Bunny was next. Of course the kangaroo couldn't keep his nose out of my business. Oh, I knew that Aster actually is fond of me but I also remembered how he had held a grudge against me for over two hundred years because of one little snowstorm on Easter Sunday that had been an accident. But it was not as if Bunny had let me explain anything before deciding it was my fault.

"Mate, come on. We're not gonna judge ya or anythin'. We're just tryin' ta help ya." Seriously? Now, they decided to help me? Well, too bad. They were way too late to help me. I gritted my teeth, doing the best I could to not start yelling at them. Anger rushed hot through my veins, my eyes glaring daggers at them.

I took a deep breath, relaxed my tense muscles and forced a smile on my face. I'll smile like I always did and they won't ask questions. "It's nothing guys," my voice was lighthearted even though I was screaming at them inside my head. "Seriously don't worry about it. You're making a fuss over nothing."

I watched their expressions relax, watched the relief and hope that rushed through them.

I'm sure that would have been it, that they would have brushed the issue aside, telling themselves it was nothing had Bunny not noticed the blood that had seeped through the fabric of my hoody at the fabric over my wrists.

I hadn't even noticed that I had been bleeding. One of my new cuts must have reopened.

"What the hell, mate?! Why don't ya just talk to us? And don't ya dare deny it, you're bleeding for Christ's sake!", Aster had exploded as soon as he caught sight of the blood. The smile dropped of my face, a frown replacing it.

I put as much anger into my voice as I could before growling: "It's none of your business, that's why!"

Had I looked into a mirror in that moment I would have seen how cold my eyes were staring at the others. But I didn't and that's why I was surprised when Bunny took a step back with a shocked expression on his furry face. The others were looking at me just as shocked.

I sighed, my shoulder dropping and ran a hand through my white locks. When I looked up again I forced a chuckle out, a sheepish expression on my face before I apologized and tried to laugh it off. It wasn't as if they gave a fuck anyway. Unfortunately it didn't work as well as I would have liked…

"Jack," North voice rumbled, concern lacing every word, "We just want to help. Tell us what is wrong so we can." All the time while he was saying that his gaze was locked upon me, worry and concern softening his eyes.

Since the laughing and smiling didn't seem to help any I switched to anger. It wasn't hard to do so with the anger already bubbling beneath the surface, searing hot underneath my skin.

My voice was hard when I forced it out through gritted teeth. "You can't **fix me**." It was true. There was nothing they could do to make it better. They were way too late for that. I knew that and that was why I knew that it would be better for everyone if they would just drop it. If I had to make them angry at me to achieve that then so be it. I could handle that. I know I could. Wouldn't be the first time after all.

Bunny's face had darkened with annoyance and frustration. He took a step towards me, opening his mouth to retort something but he stopped when I threw him a heated glare, my knuckles turning white where they were tightly gripping my staff.

"I mean it. It's none of your business. Just leave it alone." I knew they probably wouldn't listen to me anyway, why would they? But I still said it. In answer Aster crossed his arms over his chest as well as North and Sandy. Tooth was looking at me in silence, tears gathering in her purple eyes.

Silence surrounded us undisturbed for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure they didn't know how to react to my anger without doing something wrong. So silence it was. I hated silence, have hated it for as long as I could remember.

I avoided it as good as I could because every time silence surrounded me I couldn't ignore the thoughts in my head any longer. And not long after that the ache inside my chest would grow stronger, getting almost unbearable.

It wasn't different in that moment where they all just stared at me, not saying a word. Even though I was a Guardian and had gained something similar to friends I still felt empty, alone.

Three hundred years were a long time. Three hundred years alone were an even longer time. It was long, unbearable and seemed to stretch on forever, never ending. So every time it became too much for me I cut myself. I self-harmed to distract me from my inner pain, to feel alive, to get rid of the tension that always built up inside of me.

I knew I wasn't the only one who cut himself. Mostly teenagers did it as far as I had seen and I knew that people who cared about them always wanted them to stop doing it as soon as they found out. The Guardians would want the same thing from me if they found out. And that was not what I wanted.

I didn't notice that I was scratching my arm unconsciously until Aster's paw stopped me, pulling my hand gently, his hold over my left wrist away from my bleeding arm. I tensed still not used to being touched. I ducked my head avoiding eye-contact with him. So it was too late, huh? They already knew. I didn't want to see the revulsion in his eyes. Or worse…more pity.

"Frostbite…why are ya doin' this ta yourself?" His tone was gentle, his voice soft as if he were talking to a frightened animal instead of me. My anger returned, replacing the fear of rejection.

"I'm not strong. I break. I cry. I cut. I'm not always happy," I said after I lifted my head up again to glare at him, "Surprising, huh?" The sarcasm was virtually dripping from my voice.

My anger grew, helplessness mixing with it when I felt tears prickling my eyes. I didn't stop glaring at him but he didn't seem to mind because he just looked at me with a sad face, guilt shining in his eyes. I stiffened when I felt his arms wrap firmly around me, pressing me against his chest and tucking my head underneath his chin. My arms hung limply at my sides, staff dangling from one hand. What…?

"It's gonna be okay kid. We'll take care of ya, I promise. We won't leave ya alone ever again." My muscles relaxed slightly. They wanted to help me? Fine. It won't be hard to make them think I really am getting better. They wanted to hear me saying that I'm okay after they 'helped' me? If that will make them feel better that's fine by me. Let them think they can actually change something.

More arms were wrapped around myself and Bunny. It won't be okay. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. It will never be okay. I can never forget three hundred years of isolation, of being ignored, shunned and hurt. There was nothing they could do to make all that go away and there wasn't anything that I could do about it either. But what I could do was too make them feel better with smiling and laughing and acting happy. Laughter will always be my mask.

Because time does not heal wounds. You just get used to them.

* * *

Good, bad? Utter rubbish?


	9. Crazy habit

Here ya go, another one for you. You're welcome. :P

Not sure if and when I'll write another chapter for this. Suppose it'll happen when inspiration hits me. Just wanted to warn ya, don't expect more any time soon.

Woah. I'm just...wow. I don't know what to say. More than 2.000 views on this. Never expected that. You're awesome, all of you! Thank's so much!  
Thank you all! :) Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Knowing that you're crazy doesn't make the crazy things stop happening."

— Mark Vonnegut

* * *

**Crazy habit**

"Would ya stop it already?! You're not a bloody bird so don't act like ya are!" Aster was annoyed. Not only was he annoyed, he was stressed, frustrated, tired and in a very bad mood. It wasn't Jack's fault. Really it wasn't. The kid just chose the wrong time to visit him in his Warren.

Spring had arrived over three weeks ago. Naturally Easter wasn't far away. That was why it really wasn't any suprise how stressed Aster was at the moment. He had been painting googies nonstop for roughly two and a half days. Sixty hours of working without a break none the less any sleep tended to tire people out. Or you know…Pookas. But that wasn't the point. The point was that he needed to rest, _badly_.

He really didn't mean to snap that harshly at the kid but he couldn't help it. All the stress from the past days had gotten to him and unfortunately it decided to break out of him when Jack was visiting him.

The kid wasn't even making any problems. Not that it was the first time where he behaved, actually most of the time he was inside his Warren he didn't make much problems.

Aster couldn't say for how long Jack had been watching him in silence, not once interrupting him in his work. He hadn't even noticed him arriving and it had probably been a while until he had finally registered his presence a few feet next to him.

"Aw, come on Cottontail. I didn't even do anything! You know you should really take a break already? I don't want to image how long you've been working on you eggs before I arrived." His voice was light, his posture casual but as Bunny looked over to him he saw something dark had wormed its way unto Jack's expression. There were shadows in his usually carefree eyes that didn't belong there if you asked Bunny.

What was wrong with the kid now? He didn't have time for this! And for some reason he couldn't for the life of him find out why it annoyed him to no end how the kid was crouching on the crook of his staff. Now that he thought about it the kid was doing that an awful lot. He wondered why…Argh, why was he thinking about something as stupid as that?! Whatever.

"Just stop doin' it! It's annoyin' me. Well, you're always annoyin' me but still." Why was he so mean to the kid? He hadn't done anything to deserve such a harsh treatment. But now the words were out of his mouth and he couldn't take them back. Whatever, he'll have to deal with it. It sure as hell wasn't the first time he was mean to the Winter Spirit without a reason.

He turned his head back around towards the unfinished googie in his paw. And if he did it to avoid looking at the hurt look on the kids face, no one had to know that. The silence after his harsh words continued to stretch and Aster's shoulders hunched up, his ears flopping down onto his neck.

Damn…he didn't mean to hurt the kid, honest.

The pooka sighed heavily and turned around to apologize. The words stuck in his throat before they could come out. Were those…were those tears in the kid's eyes?

"Aw, damn it."He sighed at the kid's expression. Running a paw over his head he hopped forward towards Jack. The kid was still crouching on his staff but now his shoulders were hunched up, his hood pulled over his head not quite disguising his face enough to shadow his moist eyes. Instead of laying comfortably over his thighs his arms were wrapped tightly around his thin torso.

"Frostbite, I didn't mean ta-" Before he could finish his apology Jack interrupted him.

"It's a habit. To…'crouch onto my staff like a bird'," the child explained, quoting Aster's declaration from earlier, "I'm not even consciously doing it anymore. Most of the time…" He trailed off, shrugging silently.

The lad's voice sounded way too flat for Aster's taste.

He saw him take a few breaths before he continued. "Most of the time I don't even notice it, not really. Well, unless someone points it out to me. But," a choked chuckle that sounded not happy at all came out of the kid's mouth, "But it's not as if there was anyone who could point it out to me until now." After he had finished his head dropped, hood obscuring his entire face.

Aster was sure the reason the kid wasn't crying already was just because of his sheer stubbornness.

The kid was holding in his emotions way too often to be healthy. Well, at least the bad emotions. Every time he had seen Jack get sad he had flown off as soon as he could and if that wasn't an option Jack had cracked some joke to distract them from his bad mood.

Bunny lowered himself onto all of his four paws, drooping ears, guilty expression and all in place.

"I'm sorry Snowflake. I didn't-" He had to take a deep breath when his breathing hitched to calm down enough to continue talking, "I didn't know." He hadn't even meant anything by it when he had snapped at the kid, not really. But he was just that good at putting his foot in his mouth.

All the stress and fatigue had long since disappeared to the back of his mind, replaced with guilt and concern instead. In retrospect Aster was kind of glad Jack hadn't shown them how he felt when he was hurt or plain sad. Now, that he could see it his heart clenched painfully tight in his chest.

Another one of those choked chuckles that made Aster want to hug the kid senseless reached his ears before Jack's flat voice followed soon after. "I know. It's just…I always did it so no one would walk through me you know?" His voice hitched at the words "walk through me".

Of course! Why hadn't he thought of that before? It seemed so obvious now that he knew the reason. He could all too well remember the hollow feeling that had echoed inside his entire body after a kid had walked through him. It didn't happen often to him, thank God. He didn't want to imagine how Jack must have been feeling for his first three hundred years not believed in, with no one to turn to.

It was a miracle they didn't have another Pitch at their hands instead of a new Guardian.

"Aw hell kid…" His own voices sounded choked even to him. Before Aster could get embarrassed too much about it he grabbed one of the kid's leg and snatched him off of the staff right into his waiting arms. Nose nuzzling through white locks his whole body curled protectively around the Snow Child immediately.

"It's okay now. We're gonna get ya so many believers you'll get sick of them, I promise."

Both of them refused to ever admit they had been crying at the end, even if it had been only afew stray tears.


	10. Loyal

I'm sorry that this is so short after so much time has passed since I updated the last time. :(

But I still hope you'll enjoy it. It's just a little drabble, really. Something that came spontaneously to my mind and I thought I shoudl write it down to give you at least something, so yeah...have fun!

Oh and before I forget! If you have a wish for the next chapter(s) just tell me and I'll do my best to make it happen! :) Suggestions are very much welcomed. ;)

* * *

Have you ever been so lonely you wanted to die?

Have you ever felt like no matter how many people are around, you are still all alone? That no matter how loud you scream no one even looks in you direction? No matter how much you fall apart no one cares? Tell me, have you ever been physically surrounded by others but mentally there was no one in sight?

That's how I feel every day. Every day for three hundred years I felt that way and it's horrible. It's tearing me apart and it never gets easier. The more time passes the closer I get to giving up.

If I had anyone I could talk to about the things that burden my soul, they could never understand how much it hurts. But that won't happen. There's no one to talk to, no one to offer comfort, to ease the pain, hell not even to yell at me. I'm on my own. And I always will be.

My own father ignores me like everyone else that could talk to me if they wanted to and seriously how sad is that? Not even the one that had made me cared about me. And that hurt more than I like to admit.

It's weird but actually the Moon is my father…he talked to me once a long time ago.

But he only ever told me my name. No instructions, not my purpose for being here, no guidance, _nothing_. "You're name is Jack Frost." That was all he ever told me.

VVV

I pulled my legs tighter against my chest, hugged my staff closer and buried my face in the crook of my arms. Snow was covering the ground around me but I didn't take any notice of it. I didn't notice anything really. I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Everything I wanted in that moment was to stay curled up on the ground, block the world around me out and stay that way…maybe even forever.

Forever doesn't sound that bad actually…Never being ignored again, no more getting hurt or reminded of my isolation…Yeah, that would be nice. More than nice, wonderful even. I sighed contently and closed my eyes. My muscles relaxed and my mind drifted somewhere between consciousness and sleep. My thoughts were muffled; the pain inside of me dulled. Everything seemed far away like it couldn't touch me, didn't concern me.

I don't know how long I would have stayed that way hadn't it been for the Wind that ruffled my hair impatiently. Of course! How could I forget my only friend? I could never abandon it no matter how tired I got. I couldn't condemn anyone to the same fate I had to live through, even if it was merely a sentient being like the Wind. No one deserved such isolation and pain.

Taking a deep breath I slowly sat up and managed to lift lips in a small smile. "Wanna play Wind?" My voice sounded way happier than I felt and I was glad for it. I didn't want my friend to worry about me. It had done that way too often in the past already.

The Wind curled around me and lifted me playfully up in the air.

A laugh built inside my chest, bubbled up my throat and out of my now grinning mouth. It lifted the heavy weight a little that had settled over my heart a long time ago. I twirled around in the air, racing the Wind across the Globe all the while laughing in joy.

I don't know what would have happened to me if the Wind had not been there for me. I'm pretty sure I would have given up at some point and ceased to exist before the Man in the Moon chose me as a Guardian. A shudder shook my body at the thought. Good thing _that_ didn't happen.

I smiled softly at the Wind, looking nowhere in particular but I knew it was there and saw the gesture. My free hand was lifted in front of me as if cradling the air. "Thank you." I knew it understood when a soft gush of air brushed over my cheeks and ruffled through my white locks as if to say 'you're welcome'.


End file.
